Guitarist and electronic programmer, pete has worked with a number of different groups such as Delimiter, Weapons of Mass Destruction, and Negative Charge. Lead programmer & sysadmin of cytoplastik.com, as well as a few others..   discography: Crystal Cloud (2001) Cytoplastik Pods Compilation (2002)
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Work has been so stressful lately. Every time I feel like I accomplish something the rug just gets pulled right out from under my feet landing me flat on my fucking face again. I feel like the only reason I'm still here is some kind of vain hope that one day I will get out of the goddamn IT industry to do something I actually enjoy. I think the hope of that is starting to die too. I made a video of me playing guitar, but after like 20 fucking tries it still sounds like total shit. I deleted that crap off of youtube. I dunno if I'm gonna even try to make another. What's the point? I'm just gonna be trapped in this dungeon of a career going nowhere fast. I feel like sometimes I have just condemned myself to an everlasting life of dissatisfaction.
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| burdens - Tuesday, September 9, 2008 12:56 am
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In life we must all carry burdens. Some are greater than others. Lately I have been feeling the stress more than ever. I can't take it. I can't even really discuss it, what with the web being the most non-private place ever, without people asking what the hell is going on. I don't really want to talk to you about it. I just want it to be over. I'm sick. I hate being sick, it's the worst goddamn feeling. Mostly I'd rather be dead. Somebody said to me, but then when you are better you won't be around to enjoy it. Sometimes I wonder if I have really been here all along though.
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I have spent a lot of time thinking about a lot of things lately. Maybe thats too vague for you, but sometimes that's as sspecific as I can really be. My life is definitely in a transitionaaal statee of epi proortions right now. I don't know what's going to happen, but I feel like something major is going to change in the next year. Something, phenomenal of sorts. Stupid WYSIWYG awerih I don't know if it has spellcheck, but it seems that it has'nt labeled awerih as anything, so I am assuming it's not working.... If I had interwebs sucksplorer it would have spellcheck I know, but fuck internet explorer. I would rather punch myself in the face than use that crap. gnight
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Here's some crap. And some more. Hope you had as much fun reading it as I did typing it.
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Version 4.8.0 is hitting Beta soon, and I have moved into my new house. I really can't wait to be done with the old house's business. My body is sore from moving for a month. I think it might also have something to do with my practicing guitar more. Maybe it's from the drums though, as I have been trying to step my drum chops up. I just got them back in my house completely last friday. I sometimes think I should take off of work and stay home to play some drums. The exercise that playing some wicked double bass and or metal beats is great, and it's way more fun than most aerobic exercises. It's too loud to play at night though, unless I can figure out a way to really sound proof my studio.
Work has left me more drained than I'd like, and most nights my brain hurts too much to accomplish anything. I guess I just need some decent rest, and I'll start to feel better. I think finding the time to sleep is the hardest part though, because there are so many other things I want to do. It's like a quote I saw today on a page at my work:
Learn to see the glass as half full. Understand that as you try to fill it, the glass will get bigger.
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I have been swamped with work and moving lately. I am finally buying a house. I am buying a house at a time that the american economy is collapsing, and I am buying a house in one of the best elementary school districts in the country. I guess that is something to celebrate. My brother turned 17 yesterday. Sometimes, it seems like yesterday he was 5 and holding my hands to walk up my body and do a little flip. That's a fun tactic with little boys. So active, and so interested in doing crazy things with their bodies. It really seems like yesterday, you know that I was in the church of the resurrection watching my older brother, Matt, flipping my little brother, my 17 year old brother, over and over. He was having the time of his life. I look at these things, at these precious moments in time, that you can reallly only recreate as a memory because of lack of interneural surveillance. My Rode mic died on monday, and it's had me a bit sad. I can only send the mic away to be tinkered with in California, not but 15 minutes outside of where my friend is currently residing. Carpenteria California? Apparently it's just north of Ventura, the location of the current Cytoplastik west coast faction. I find it just a bit ironic. Soon I will be a house owner, with the opportunity of a lifetime, so to speak. I am nervously chomping at the bit.
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