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I cannot sleep. The emptiness fills me. I cannot feel anymore. Nothing is real. Nothing means anything to me. I just wish to end my painful existence. My father told me once that some people's minds die, yet their bodies live on. I have become
such a person. All I want is death. Nothing matters anymore. The only thing that reminds me that I am still physically alive is the pain I wallow in every day. Kill me. Why are you here reading this garbage anyway?
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I'd just like to share with you one of the stupidest quotes I have ever heard.
This is taken froms REUTERS:
"...Ted Green, a member of Bush's council on AIDS, said programs aimed at changing sexual behavior were not obtaining funding. He also questioned the focus on condoms. "If you are telling me that people can't stop AIDS unless they buy a product. I simply don't agree with that", he said... So as you can see we are obviously doomed.
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Happy 4th to you. Don't shoot your eye out with a rocket on Sunday.
I've been feeling this void creep into me lately. It's like a dark fog that seems in from inside my guts and slowly filling my flesh until my skin can barely contain it anymore. I become translucent.
In just the right light, I can see the keys of the keyboard through my fingers, as it eats away at my existence.
I met a someone thursday. Many things about her intrigue me greatly, yet other things also bother me to no end.
My thoughts have been so preoccupied lately, it's hard to think about things rationally sometimes.
Anyways, so here's some slayer:
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the gates of hell lie waiting as you see
there's no price to pay just follow me
I can take your lost soul from the grave
Jesus knows your soul cannot be saved
crucify the so-called lord he soon shall fall to me
Your souls are damned your god has fell to
slave for me eternally
hell awaits
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Monthly update time! So, I just released friggin' pantload of new music on the
official weapons of mass destruction site.
So go ceck it out. No picture right now, I don't have batteries for the camera to sync it! Stupid ass design flaws designed to milk you for more money. It's called power through USB? WTF? Dan came up to visit, which was fun. Things have been awkward with Kat lately. All of my time really being consumed with the perl rescripting of cytoplastik.com.
I suppose I am being productive at this point. I feel like that's all I do though, is be productive. I need a vacation ²³°¯®´µ....
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So I have lost all creative impulses as of late. It's like my entire life has just turned into being a mindless work zombie.It's too bad, my mind is dead yet still my body lives for some reason. I can't stand it.
What am I supposed to find
salvation
in now?
God? Please. I hate my job and sitting in front of a goddamn computer every day. It's all just meaningless drivel anyway.
So, I continue to live
alternate lives
I can never have, all in my head.
I have been having this recurring dream, that just won't go away. It starts with me killing someone, but I am not sure who it is. I don't just hit them in the head and they die, I literally bludgeon them to death with a hammer.
Afterwards, I
dismember the body
and put it in a suitcase or something. Then I hide it in a freezer or some kind of locker.
It all seems so real, I can even smell the rotting flesh in my dream.
It's so real I wake up horrified at what I have done wondering whether I must
leave the country
to avoid pursecution by the police and other law enforcement officials.
But, I can't imagine where any of these places in my dream are, so it must not be real. Besides, when would I have time to go out and
kill people?comments
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