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I have this nasty abcess on my leg. It hurts and it oozes and it bleeds. It's been making my life a real living hell. My doctor doesn't take my insurance. I am feeling sick to my stomach. I am so sad. I want to have a normal relationship so bad... but I have no trust for my sweetheart. She's broken me. My heart has been stamped out. I don't know how I can ever have the same feeling. It's gone forever. The purity. It's gone. Everything is tainted with physical and spiritual relics of past sins and sadness. How can I ever look upon her face? The scar reminds me always of her hurtful actions. Why did you have to do this to me? To prove a point? I guess I deserve it . . . but still. . . now I don't know . . . if I can face you the same . . . and love you the way I did.
I hate my life
I got offered another contract. I can't wait. Getting paid more money to do the same boring ass crap. I wish I didn't have to watch Isis by myself right now. Kat's not here. . . she is in Ellicott City . . . eating? I don't even feel comfortable with that you know? I hate myself. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate that feeling I get when I look and see that my body is never what I want it to be. Always too fat here, too skinny there. . . I have such an ugly body. I can't help it. I have spent far too much time trying to develop my head, and even that feels worthless to me.
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