I feel like I am not really alive anymore. I am really just dead inside. I can't stand all of this monotony. Sitting in a dark, lifeless hole, strapped to a plastic board that administers pain to my body all day, doing things I just don't fucking care about. But who cares, what the hell else am I gonna do with my life. I cannot break free from this vast swath of bullshit. I cannot get away from the stress, and the stress, and of course, the stress. The thing that bothers me most is the stress though. I cannot really do it effectively anymore. I am running on the vapours of fumes. My threshold was crossed so long ago I don't think I can see it anymore. I feel sometimes like my life is one non stop interrogation technique designed to ultimately kill me. No one can really understand though, because I cannot tell anyone about anything. Every one has something at stake, everyone feels they rely on me for something. IF I fail, everything around me fails. I have, only imaginary supports. My weaknesses are overwhelming me now, so I have to stop typing again.
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